"Food in my belly and a license for my telly,
and nothing's going to bring me down."
It's become clear that I often turn to this blog in times of change and transition in my life. First GCSEs, then A Levels, the start of University and now the end. I'm awaiting a start date for a new job and eagerly awaiting to hear whether or not I'll be donning a cap and gown this summer. I've (hopefully) completed my degree and am taking my first step towards achieving my career which is both exciting and terrifying. I'm now one whole year into a relationship with an absolute wally whose eyelashes go on for days and whose laugh I can't help but smile at. He yawns like how I imagine a brown bear would and has the sexiest jawline I've ever seen. This is also terrifying. It's scary how well we get on, how in-sync we've become and how furious he can make me at times and just how much I love him. And although things are going well I can't help but think, "woah, this one could really crush me." Right now, I'd be heartbroken if things were to end, and that feeling of vulnerability isn't pleasant.
I feel like things are a bit up in the air at the minute. I don't know if I'll graduate, I'm not sure when I'll be starting my job, I'm stressed out about both and I'm just not entirely sure where I am right now. I'm confident that things will work out in the long run, it's just right now that I'm struggling to accept that for now, things are out of my control. When HR complete their processes- I'll know about the job. When the examination board sits- I'll know whether a summer graduation is to be or not to be. So yeah... I should relax, right? Easier said than done unfortunately, and I often find myself worrying and over-thinking and I'm a bit fed up with it all at the moment.
Looking back over blog posts from a 16-year-old me has spurred a lot of reflection and has raised mixed feelings. In ways, I am proud of things I have achieved since this time- despite the stress I described feeling as I approached certain hurdles, I overcame them and I know I couldn't have done this without the people who have caught me when I felt like I was falling. I read of friendships and recalled them fondly, and am glad that many of them continue to flourish today. I am saddened by the frustration I felt with the world around me and a sense of powerlessness within the wider system of which I am a part. This frustration remains, and has driven me towards my career path as I seek justice for those who are deemed vulnerable within society, and has instilled a passion for social change. As I have grown older and navigated through my education I have developed a deeper understanding of the world around me, the various systems we are a part of and how they interact with each other. I have also become aware of the oppression which permeates these and my own role in contributing to these, even if on a subconscious level. And still, despite this passion and equipped with this knowledge, there are moments when I feel the powerlessness I experienced at 16 as I work alongside people who are refused access to much needed support services in times of need, and looked down upon by the communities they strive to be a part of.
I can also identify the same feelings of frustration with myself not following my dreams as I described in my earlier posts. I dreamt of travelling and doing the unexpected, and feared that I would get sucked into society's expectations of following the natural order of education straight into a career without much window for what I want to do. And yet I find myself doing exactly that despite my continuing frustration with myself. I feel safe where I am. I've gone to university, I've applied for jobs and have accepted an offer, I'm in a year long relationship and I live in an area I know well. And while I am fortunate and grateful to have all of these things and fantastic people in my life, there is often a part of me which wishes I was brave enough to realise that I can keep the amazing people while maybe putting my career on hold for just a little while to have fun and travel and do the things I so often find myself yearning for. But I'm not. Brave enough, I mean. Worries about practicalities such as finances, possible homesickness and impact upon my relationship, as well as fear of the unknown have prevented me from stepping out of my comfort zone.
Despite the negativity I feel in reading over these glimpses of my younger self, I also draw great inspiration from the determination I exuded, from those who were there to support me and continue to do so, and from the passion for change continues to drive me. It served as a reminder of why I am where I am now- why the feelings of being out of control of my future for now are worth it- to achieve one of the goals I sought to in calling for change. Sure, I haven't travelled as much as I'd like, but I'm getting ever-closer to a career that supports me in working alongside people for change. Anddddd I have travelled- I drove to Portrush for the first time ever, and I've been to Amsterdam-twice!! I had an absolute ball- it is such a beautiful, beautiful city. If I could, I would move there in a heartbeat.
I haven't travelled the world but I've seen snapshots of it, and while I'm not exactly sure where my career is going right now- I'm making baby steps towards it, and I just have to wait it out. I'm not in control of everything right now and that's okay. I don't know what will happen with my relationship but for now things are good. Really good. I should focus on that and enjoy every moment of the good and just have faith that it will continue. There is still time for travelling, as there is also time for my career- this is the beginning of something new and time for discovery and expansion of knowledge of the world around me. It is about balance, and in recognising that both my career and my desire to see the world both contribute to an expansion of my knowledge of people, cultures and societies, I can see that I can compromise and although my realising my dreams isn't exactly looking how I expected it to, it's happening in the midst of my worries and doubts and if I could just focus on the good bits, maybe I'd have a better time.
So I might try? Maybe? No promises... I get pumped reading over older blog posts and I guess the determination is rubbing off a little teeny bit, so here goes... to not missing the good bits.
Monday, 6 June 2016
Sunday, 21 October 2012
Where there is desire there is gonna be a flame
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try
Ever wanted something so bad that you'd do anything to get it? Good. Be determined, be ruthless and don't be afraid of failing. Sure you might risk losing people along the way, things may go wrong & you might have to go back to the drawing board time and time and time again, but isn't it worth it? Just because it hurts doesn't mean you should give up. One failure isn't the end of the world.
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try
Ever wanted something so bad that you'd do anything to get it? Good. Be determined, be ruthless and don't be afraid of failing. Sure you might risk losing people along the way, things may go wrong & you might have to go back to the drawing board time and time and time again, but isn't it worth it? Just because it hurts doesn't mean you should give up. One failure isn't the end of the world.
Sunday, 22 July 2012
Purity
1) Freedom from adulteration or contamination
2) Freedom from immorality, esp. of a sexual nature
When I think of purity I see white. Roses, dresses, sheets, curtains... white. White everything. Children, little girls, laughs, smiles. Pure. Purity, of course, is usually thought of in relation to sexual activity... whether or not you maintain a state of sexual abstinance; do you still have your virginity? So once this is tarnished I guess you're not pure any more. So what are you? Dirty?
I don't like to think so. I think it is something that has happened, and while you can't regain it, it isn't something that should act as a hindrance upon your life. Presuming that you are not within a marriage scenario & therefore a "bad" person, you have lost your virginity to a boyfriend, an ex-boyfriend or a guy you just met; maybe a guy friend, only you know. That is what you wanted at the time, and sure, maybe it was a mistake, but does it make you a bad/dirty person for life? No.
Beyond physical purity is mental purity. For me this is more difficult to maintain, what with so much crap in the world these days & a heck of a lot of mental illness. I think purity is a state of mind as well as a physical thing and that this should be acknowledged. I'm not encouraging losing virginity and saying that it's okay as long as you justify it in your mind... I believe that it should be held onto for as long as possible. However, if it is lost "prematurely" then I think people should stop targetting and highlighting it as the end of the world. It's gone, it's not coming back, get over it.
Purity and innocence are tightly linked. When I think of innocence I think back to my childhood. There were no dirty jokes, no friends who'd stab you in the back if you turned for a second, no arguements, no boys to impress, no universities to suck up to. The biggest lie you told was that you hadn't taken those sweets from the jar. That gets lost over time and in its way, linked to virginity, but this isn't all about sex. I think we should hold onto our innocence, try to be trusting but not naive, loving but not used, helpful but not walked over.
This has been pretty fluffy and waffly... But basically I think you should define pure for yourself & don't let people make you feel like you're not worth anything.
2) Freedom from immorality, esp. of a sexual nature
When I think of purity I see white. Roses, dresses, sheets, curtains... white. White everything. Children, little girls, laughs, smiles. Pure. Purity, of course, is usually thought of in relation to sexual activity... whether or not you maintain a state of sexual abstinance; do you still have your virginity? So once this is tarnished I guess you're not pure any more. So what are you? Dirty?
I don't like to think so. I think it is something that has happened, and while you can't regain it, it isn't something that should act as a hindrance upon your life. Presuming that you are not within a marriage scenario & therefore a "bad" person, you have lost your virginity to a boyfriend, an ex-boyfriend or a guy you just met; maybe a guy friend, only you know. That is what you wanted at the time, and sure, maybe it was a mistake, but does it make you a bad/dirty person for life? No.
Beyond physical purity is mental purity. For me this is more difficult to maintain, what with so much crap in the world these days & a heck of a lot of mental illness. I think purity is a state of mind as well as a physical thing and that this should be acknowledged. I'm not encouraging losing virginity and saying that it's okay as long as you justify it in your mind... I believe that it should be held onto for as long as possible. However, if it is lost "prematurely" then I think people should stop targetting and highlighting it as the end of the world. It's gone, it's not coming back, get over it.
Purity and innocence are tightly linked. When I think of innocence I think back to my childhood. There were no dirty jokes, no friends who'd stab you in the back if you turned for a second, no arguements, no boys to impress, no universities to suck up to. The biggest lie you told was that you hadn't taken those sweets from the jar. That gets lost over time and in its way, linked to virginity, but this isn't all about sex. I think we should hold onto our innocence, try to be trusting but not naive, loving but not used, helpful but not walked over.
This has been pretty fluffy and waffly... But basically I think you should define pure for yourself & don't let people make you feel like you're not worth anything.
Wednesday, 18 July 2012
"This moment will just be another story someday."
Memories need to be created, actions need to be taken and fun has to be had. Great new things need to be tried and new places explored. Carelessness must be exercised and mistakes should be made. Worries should cease and cares abandoned. Laughter should reign and tears of happiness be the only ones permitted. Dancing should be compulsory and singing the international language. Love should be easy and not focused on sex. Judgement should be minimal and acceptance freely given.
On average we will all live until we're seventy years old. Age 0-12 we're in primary school, 13-18 we're in that weird puberty/I'm a teenager/why is my body doing this?/rebel against my parents-y stage. 19-30 is that get a good education, get a job, get married stage. From then on we're trying so support our family, keep up our job, pay the bills etc. By the time we have the time and the money to enjoy ourselves we're 65 (85 if the government keep raising the age for retirement) and not to be ageist because I do love old people, but there are things which we can no longer do. So to combat this, we need to make time for fun in between all the chaos of life. We need stories to tell our grandchildren, we need fun to keep us healthy. So get out there and smile.
On average we will all live until we're seventy years old. Age 0-12 we're in primary school, 13-18 we're in that weird puberty/I'm a teenager/why is my body doing this?/rebel against my parents-y stage. 19-30 is that get a good education, get a job, get married stage. From then on we're trying so support our family, keep up our job, pay the bills etc. By the time we have the time and the money to enjoy ourselves we're 65 (85 if the government keep raising the age for retirement) and not to be ageist because I do love old people, but there are things which we can no longer do. So to combat this, we need to make time for fun in between all the chaos of life. We need stories to tell our grandchildren, we need fun to keep us healthy. So get out there and smile.
If I go crazy then will you still call me superman?
You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground
I've realised that people are extraordinarily ungrateful. Perhaps something I should have realised sooner, but hey, better late than never. People rely on me... a lot. They lean on me and expect me to fix all of their problems, regardless of what I may think/feel/have going on in my own life at the time.
One of my friends recently broke up with his girlfriend of 2ish years and ever since he's been totally dependent on me. I didn't even know him when he was going out with his girl, we only really became friends because of the break up because he spewed all of his problems to me one night. Please don't get me wrong, I love to help and I had no problem listening to him, offering advice and yeah, being a shoulder to lean on... but when that's all he wants to talk to me about it becomes a bit of a problem. Then, as a result of me trying to help, my now boyfriend suspects that there's something going on between us. But does the guy back off? No, of course not.
I've helped him all I can and he refuses to help himself, then when I ask him to help me by backing off he still stays close, makes my boyfriend suspect and makes me feel guilty when I get frustrated with him. I've helped the guy a lot, I've helped him get over this ex girlfriend and he's still not grateful enough to help me out this little bit.
Ranty ranty rant. Sorry.
If not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground
I've realised that people are extraordinarily ungrateful. Perhaps something I should have realised sooner, but hey, better late than never. People rely on me... a lot. They lean on me and expect me to fix all of their problems, regardless of what I may think/feel/have going on in my own life at the time.
One of my friends recently broke up with his girlfriend of 2ish years and ever since he's been totally dependent on me. I didn't even know him when he was going out with his girl, we only really became friends because of the break up because he spewed all of his problems to me one night. Please don't get me wrong, I love to help and I had no problem listening to him, offering advice and yeah, being a shoulder to lean on... but when that's all he wants to talk to me about it becomes a bit of a problem. Then, as a result of me trying to help, my now boyfriend suspects that there's something going on between us. But does the guy back off? No, of course not.
I've helped him all I can and he refuses to help himself, then when I ask him to help me by backing off he still stays close, makes my boyfriend suspect and makes me feel guilty when I get frustrated with him. I've helped the guy a lot, I've helped him get over this ex girlfriend and he's still not grateful enough to help me out this little bit.
Ranty ranty rant. Sorry.
Wednesday, 13 June 2012
Just signed back in here for the first time in a long time and decided to read some old posts... all I can gather is that I used wayyy too many rhetorical questions. I liked to talk about change a lot though, and even though it's been six months since I last blogged, I haven't really changed an awful lot about myself. I'm studying at the minute, or at least trying to; I can't seem to find the motivation to do anything except eat all around me.
My friends have changed; some for good and some for bad. It's sad to watch, but I can't seem to do anything about it. I've also had the privilege of watching some of my friends grow in confidence and skills and they're actually going places and being happy- that's pretty great. I've also surrounded myself with a different friend group, but still seeing the ones that I care about- just less frequently which I need to change, but that's my own fault. The human mind is a ridiculous thing- that is one thing I've gathered, though I'm not sure why I didn't realise sooner. We all worry too much, and even as I'm typing this I'm worried about how I come across to my two readers or whatever unfortunate person that stumbles across this.
"Society killed the teenager." So overused, so cliché, so true. We've been screwed over, but maybe that's just my silly opinion that I will regret in another six months time... Everything's focused on the future, conformity and being "grown up." I can't be assed with it, and yet I find myself doing it anyway. I've gotta study to get good grades to waste loads of money on University to get that job that doesn't exist to get money to pay back my student loans. Then if a job actually appears in Northern Ireland, I'll be stuck in it for the next 50 years of my life. Sounds great, doesn't it? Ha, there are those rhetorical questions again...I'll stop now- bad habit enforced by GCSE English.
Passed my GCSEs, thought I was great, and have now realised how much simpler they were than AS Levels. I've two tomorrow, so sitting writing pointless crap on my laptop probably isn't my best move. Beats learning about Early Church though. Then on Friday I have another, and with the two exams tomorrow I won't have much time to revise for it...hello resits next January. I do, however, get to see my soon to be boyfriend on Friday after my exam, so that'll be fun. It's only taken us about a year and a disfunctional relationship on my part to get together, so let's hope it's all we've thought it will be. Could just be another silly teenage relationship, but we shall see.
I guess not much else has changed since I last posted; I don't have any revolutionary thoughts or plans as such, other than the overwhelming desire to get out of this pokey wee country. I love it, don't get me wrong, it's just that there is so much to see out there. I've been chatting and skyping with people all over the world recently and it makes me want to go so much more; I'm determined to see it happen. Certain universities I've been looking at offer the opportunity to go somewhere for a year- something to look into further. Up until quite recently I've been set on leaving home for University, but thinking about the logistics of it all it's looking more and more likely that I'll be staying in Northern Ireland. I shant rule anything out though.
Also, I need a part time job. So if you could find me one that'd be great.
Well, I think this shall be the end of my rambling and I'll hopefully post again before another six months is up; maybe even something which is even slightly structured. RE revision is calling me; Aimee out.
My friends have changed; some for good and some for bad. It's sad to watch, but I can't seem to do anything about it. I've also had the privilege of watching some of my friends grow in confidence and skills and they're actually going places and being happy- that's pretty great. I've also surrounded myself with a different friend group, but still seeing the ones that I care about- just less frequently which I need to change, but that's my own fault. The human mind is a ridiculous thing- that is one thing I've gathered, though I'm not sure why I didn't realise sooner. We all worry too much, and even as I'm typing this I'm worried about how I come across to my two readers or whatever unfortunate person that stumbles across this.
"Society killed the teenager." So overused, so cliché, so true. We've been screwed over, but maybe that's just my silly opinion that I will regret in another six months time... Everything's focused on the future, conformity and being "grown up." I can't be assed with it, and yet I find myself doing it anyway. I've gotta study to get good grades to waste loads of money on University to get that job that doesn't exist to get money to pay back my student loans. Then if a job actually appears in Northern Ireland, I'll be stuck in it for the next 50 years of my life. Sounds great, doesn't it? Ha, there are those rhetorical questions again...I'll stop now- bad habit enforced by GCSE English.
Passed my GCSEs, thought I was great, and have now realised how much simpler they were than AS Levels. I've two tomorrow, so sitting writing pointless crap on my laptop probably isn't my best move. Beats learning about Early Church though. Then on Friday I have another, and with the two exams tomorrow I won't have much time to revise for it...hello resits next January. I do, however, get to see my soon to be boyfriend on Friday after my exam, so that'll be fun. It's only taken us about a year and a disfunctional relationship on my part to get together, so let's hope it's all we've thought it will be. Could just be another silly teenage relationship, but we shall see.
I guess not much else has changed since I last posted; I don't have any revolutionary thoughts or plans as such, other than the overwhelming desire to get out of this pokey wee country. I love it, don't get me wrong, it's just that there is so much to see out there. I've been chatting and skyping with people all over the world recently and it makes me want to go so much more; I'm determined to see it happen. Certain universities I've been looking at offer the opportunity to go somewhere for a year- something to look into further. Up until quite recently I've been set on leaving home for University, but thinking about the logistics of it all it's looking more and more likely that I'll be staying in Northern Ireland. I shant rule anything out though.
Also, I need a part time job. So if you could find me one that'd be great.
Well, I think this shall be the end of my rambling and I'll hopefully post again before another six months is up; maybe even something which is even slightly structured. RE revision is calling me; Aimee out.
Friday, 11 November 2011
Oh broken angel, were you sad when he crushed all your dreams?
Inside you're dying cause you can't believe
He would leave you alone
And leave you so cold
When you were his daughter
But the blood in your veins
As you carry his name
Turns thinner than water
What's really in a name? Does it define us? We carry it for most, if not all, of our lives, and there's not TOO much we can do about it. It tells us where we come from, but is linking ourselves to the past always a good thing?
I recently saw Boyce Avenue performing in my hometown and they came on and sang this song. Before they started, Alejandro spoke a bit about a friend who had faced a lot in the past but had gotten stronger from it and it really struck a chord with me. People will hurt you in the course of your life- fact. A lot of the time, these people will be people you're close to- fact. But sometimes, the people who hurt you will be the ones you least expect... the ones you're supposed to trust... the ones who're supposed to protect you. We can accept these as facts, but that doesn't mean we have to accept the consequences.
Your family name does not define you. The negative actions of those before you should not make any impression upon your life. If you don't like it, change it. I'm not one for rebelling against family members or anything, but if any of your family members are going to knowingly hurt you, then refuse to accept it. Stand up and say no. You may carry a name, but you don't have to carry the person. Turn a negative into a positive and go for it.
He would leave you alone
And leave you so cold
When you were his daughter
But the blood in your veins
As you carry his name
Turns thinner than water
What's really in a name? Does it define us? We carry it for most, if not all, of our lives, and there's not TOO much we can do about it. It tells us where we come from, but is linking ourselves to the past always a good thing?
I recently saw Boyce Avenue performing in my hometown and they came on and sang this song. Before they started, Alejandro spoke a bit about a friend who had faced a lot in the past but had gotten stronger from it and it really struck a chord with me. People will hurt you in the course of your life- fact. A lot of the time, these people will be people you're close to- fact. But sometimes, the people who hurt you will be the ones you least expect... the ones you're supposed to trust... the ones who're supposed to protect you. We can accept these as facts, but that doesn't mean we have to accept the consequences.
Your family name does not define you. The negative actions of those before you should not make any impression upon your life. If you don't like it, change it. I'm not one for rebelling against family members or anything, but if any of your family members are going to knowingly hurt you, then refuse to accept it. Stand up and say no. You may carry a name, but you don't have to carry the person. Turn a negative into a positive and go for it.
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve
All of your flaws and all of my flaws,
When they have been exhumed
We'll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we'd be doomed
Flaw: a mark, fault, or other imperfection that mars a substance or object.
I'll be honest and say that I'm not someone who is very open about their flaws, and I don't immediately step forward and admit when I'm wrong. I'm not someone who embraces flaws and I'm most definitely not proud of them.
I am, however, a firm believer in the fact that they can shape our characters. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and all that. I do not believe that they make us who we are though. Not entirely, anyway. We can't allow our flaws to 100% define us. They play a part, and of course we can't just erase them, but we can't just go: "Yep. That's ALL I am. I am depression. I am self harm. I am unfaithfulness. I am an eating disorder. I am dyslexia" These things can help you grow as a person, and yes, they can represent a period of your lifetime, but they can always be overcome. We can beat these things, little step by little step.
Without these flaws, we'd all be the same. We'd be happy, clappy, my life is awesome and I can breeze on through type people. Now where's the fun in that? What do you achieve? Not an awful lot! When you're older, would you not rather look back and think, "Yea, I was there. But I got out of it... I overcame that." I certainly would.
When they have been exhumed
We'll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we'd be doomed
Flaw: a mark, fault, or other imperfection that mars a substance or object.
I'll be honest and say that I'm not someone who is very open about their flaws, and I don't immediately step forward and admit when I'm wrong. I'm not someone who embraces flaws and I'm most definitely not proud of them.
I am, however, a firm believer in the fact that they can shape our characters. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and all that. I do not believe that they make us who we are though. Not entirely, anyway. We can't allow our flaws to 100% define us. They play a part, and of course we can't just erase them, but we can't just go: "Yep. That's ALL I am. I am depression. I am self harm. I am unfaithfulness. I am an eating disorder. I am dyslexia" These things can help you grow as a person, and yes, they can represent a period of your lifetime, but they can always be overcome. We can beat these things, little step by little step.
Without these flaws, we'd all be the same. We'd be happy, clappy, my life is awesome and I can breeze on through type people. Now where's the fun in that? What do you achieve? Not an awful lot! When you're older, would you not rather look back and think, "Yea, I was there. But I got out of it... I overcame that." I certainly would.
They say that they're not puppets and then we point them to the strings
They line us up in uniforms
And tell us not to feel
They've never been to Heaven
But they tell us that it's real
They say that this is a free country and we're always told that we can be what we want to be, but it's funny how there's always a list of exceptions. There's always a list of rules that must be obeyed, a schedule, an order- a method of control.
Well reader, you can be anything you want to be! Did you know that? I just hope you want to be in full-time education until at least the age of 16, then try to find a job, then obey all the laws of the land! So, if you want to be rich, you better get yourself into a good job or do something illegal. But of course to get that good job then you've gotta have some sort of qualification, so you've got to go to school, which of course is the law. And if you do something illegal to get this money, then that's going to get you into trouble. Soooo, you can't be a criminal.
Also, you better not want to be a druggie. Or an alcoholic. Or addicted to anything really, because it'll either be illegal or expensive, and of course to get that money you've to follow some other regime or climb some ladder within a business.
Love, too. If you want to be in love, you've got to befriend, court, then see how things go. Then, in the longrun, you engage and marry the person. Then you have a few kids, get a house, a car, and a whole lot of debt. You've got to pay your taxes, keep the roof over your head and food on the table. So you better keep up that nice job that you're expected to do every day with those qualifications that you were forced into studying for throughout your school years.
And maybe, if you're into the Christian thing, you could go to a nice little church in your nice little town with your nice little family all dressed in your nice little Sunday outfits. When you get there you can be given some more rules... Don't kill, don't lie, don't cheat, don't swear, don't drink, don't do this, don't do that, don't do the other. All in hopes of going to this place where nobody on Earth has been, but we have to trust exists. And don't dare question it! That's doubt, and doubt is bad! I mean, how dare you think?
We're generally encouraged to think for ourselves, but there's always something limiting us. People tell us that it can't be done, we convince ourselves that it can't be done, we don't have the money, we don't have the time, it's too "out of the box." Society has everything organised and everybody knows what role is theirs to play. It's a big show. Everyone has their smile on their face and their lines rehearsed and so we go on with the show. Everything is under control. As long as there's control, everything's easy.
So why not make it more difficult? Step out of your comfort zone. See what you can do. The Greeks were great thinkers. They stepped out of the box and were always in search of the next big thing. They wanted the answers to the big questions- they set the trends. Why not be a Greek? Challenge the norm. Think for yourself and do what you want to do. Ask questions and challenge what you're told. Make sure sure you completely understand instead of just accepting it.
And tell us not to feel
They've never been to Heaven
But they tell us that it's real
They say that this is a free country and we're always told that we can be what we want to be, but it's funny how there's always a list of exceptions. There's always a list of rules that must be obeyed, a schedule, an order- a method of control.
Well reader, you can be anything you want to be! Did you know that? I just hope you want to be in full-time education until at least the age of 16, then try to find a job, then obey all the laws of the land! So, if you want to be rich, you better get yourself into a good job or do something illegal. But of course to get that good job then you've gotta have some sort of qualification, so you've got to go to school, which of course is the law. And if you do something illegal to get this money, then that's going to get you into trouble. Soooo, you can't be a criminal.
Also, you better not want to be a druggie. Or an alcoholic. Or addicted to anything really, because it'll either be illegal or expensive, and of course to get that money you've to follow some other regime or climb some ladder within a business.
Love, too. If you want to be in love, you've got to befriend, court, then see how things go. Then, in the longrun, you engage and marry the person. Then you have a few kids, get a house, a car, and a whole lot of debt. You've got to pay your taxes, keep the roof over your head and food on the table. So you better keep up that nice job that you're expected to do every day with those qualifications that you were forced into studying for throughout your school years.
And maybe, if you're into the Christian thing, you could go to a nice little church in your nice little town with your nice little family all dressed in your nice little Sunday outfits. When you get there you can be given some more rules... Don't kill, don't lie, don't cheat, don't swear, don't drink, don't do this, don't do that, don't do the other. All in hopes of going to this place where nobody on Earth has been, but we have to trust exists. And don't dare question it! That's doubt, and doubt is bad! I mean, how dare you think?
We're generally encouraged to think for ourselves, but there's always something limiting us. People tell us that it can't be done, we convince ourselves that it can't be done, we don't have the money, we don't have the time, it's too "out of the box." Society has everything organised and everybody knows what role is theirs to play. It's a big show. Everyone has their smile on their face and their lines rehearsed and so we go on with the show. Everything is under control. As long as there's control, everything's easy.
So why not make it more difficult? Step out of your comfort zone. See what you can do. The Greeks were great thinkers. They stepped out of the box and were always in search of the next big thing. They wanted the answers to the big questions- they set the trends. Why not be a Greek? Challenge the norm. Think for yourself and do what you want to do. Ask questions and challenge what you're told. Make sure sure you completely understand instead of just accepting it.
Sunday, 26 June 2011
The world passes by in my summer
And we all sit round here in our home town
It's so good like this, these are times we'll miss
The memories, I hope they'll never fade
Summersummersummer. I've made it through gcses and I can finally relax and enjoy some time of chilling out, not worrying about anything and making some memories. In 11 days time I will be jetting off to Texas with 50 other people which will be pretty amazing, and I'm hoping for some good times back here in Northern Ireland (weather permitting, of course).
It's amazing what we remember, isn't it? We don't remember every day of our lives, and we don't remember every conversation we have, but we remember moments. I think it's sad that so many days slip out of our memories, but amazing that we can recall moments years after they've happened.
So I think we should have plenty of amazing moments, just in case not all of them make it into our memory banks. Pretty difficult to do when you're sitting in a classroom, but now that Summer's here I'm going to try my best!
It's so good like this, these are times we'll miss
The memories, I hope they'll never fade
Summersummersummer. I've made it through gcses and I can finally relax and enjoy some time of chilling out, not worrying about anything and making some memories. In 11 days time I will be jetting off to Texas with 50 other people which will be pretty amazing, and I'm hoping for some good times back here in Northern Ireland (weather permitting, of course).
It's amazing what we remember, isn't it? We don't remember every day of our lives, and we don't remember every conversation we have, but we remember moments. I think it's sad that so many days slip out of our memories, but amazing that we can recall moments years after they've happened.
So I think we should have plenty of amazing moments, just in case not all of them make it into our memory banks. Pretty difficult to do when you're sitting in a classroom, but now that Summer's here I'm going to try my best!
Monday, 9 May 2011
Thursday, 5 May 2011
gcses.com
They've been looming for a while now, & yet they have appeared to have snuck/sneaked up on me! My first "big" exams, so lots of studying to be done. I most likely won't have many posts for a wee while, so I'm sure the one person who actually follows me will be devastated...not.
Wish me luck though!
Wish me luck though!
But tears don't mean you're losing, everybody's bruising
Don't lose who you are, in the blur of the stars
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay...
Here in Northern Ireland we're very accustomed to saying that we're "fine." (I'm not sure if it's the same elsewhere, so I can only speak about what I know). We don't like being weak, and we certainly won't admit it to anyone else. We have the desire to appear strong and independant, no matter how we're feeling on the inside.
A friend of mine is considered the strong one. My friend group is a bit disfunctional, to say the very least. There's always some sort of petty drama going on, and this friend (we'll call her Laura) is always the one who has the level head. Laura is the eldest, and feels as if she must hold everyone else together. While she is very necessary & appreciated, she doesn't realise that she can fall apart too. She doesn't have to wear her mask all the time. Sure, she can help others out, but she's gotta admit to others that she isn't okay- and that's allowed!
I've only lived a little bit of my life and already I've clicked onto the fact that it's not a smooth ride all the time- shocker, right? So yea, while it's good to help others out (and you definitely should try to), you have to look after yourself & realise that there's always somebody about who you can have a wee chat with.
Seeing is deceiving, dreaming is believing,
It's okay not to be okay...
Here in Northern Ireland we're very accustomed to saying that we're "fine." (I'm not sure if it's the same elsewhere, so I can only speak about what I know). We don't like being weak, and we certainly won't admit it to anyone else. We have the desire to appear strong and independant, no matter how we're feeling on the inside.
A friend of mine is considered the strong one. My friend group is a bit disfunctional, to say the very least. There's always some sort of petty drama going on, and this friend (we'll call her Laura) is always the one who has the level head. Laura is the eldest, and feels as if she must hold everyone else together. While she is very necessary & appreciated, she doesn't realise that she can fall apart too. She doesn't have to wear her mask all the time. Sure, she can help others out, but she's gotta admit to others that she isn't okay- and that's allowed!
I've only lived a little bit of my life and already I've clicked onto the fact that it's not a smooth ride all the time- shocker, right? So yea, while it's good to help others out (and you definitely should try to), you have to look after yourself & realise that there's always somebody about who you can have a wee chat with.
Wednesday, 20 April 2011
-John Green
I wish my mind worked like this man's. For those of you who haven't heard of John Green, you should definitely make yourselves aware of him. Vlogbrother, author, Nerdfighter extraordinaire. I've only read his book Looking for Alaska, but it completely blew my mind.
So I was reading through a page of quotes and stumbled across this one. I'm not going to go down the religion route with this, but the point it makes is amazing. Why don't we accept things for what they are? Not because there's something to gain, not because something terrible could happen if we don't; but because it's what we believe is right.
If I think about the religion side of it for a sec (which I know I said I wouldn't), then it's a bit mind-boggling. I know a guy who became a Christian because he was scared of what Hell would be like. I know many, many people who hear about the perfection of Heaven & so jump along for the ride. What about the actual core of it all...love. Simple. Love. And with that, another John Green quote;
"Here's to all the places we went. And all the places we'll go. And here's to me, whispering again and again and again and again: iloveyou"
That's love. No questions, no doubt... just adventure. Trust in the fact that there are many days of love and happiness to come. Not analysing the downsides, not selfishly considering what you may get out of it... just enjoying being in love. I'm excited for that experience :)
Selflessness. Humans aren't very good at that, are they? But I guess that's for another day.
Quotes: http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/1406384.John_Green?page=1
Youtube: http://www.youtube.com/user/vlogbrothers
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world
If only. How great would that be? I'm not about to go off on a beauty queen "I want World Peace" thing, but how amazing would it be? There's so much fighting going on at the minute, that people don't even know what we're fighting for anymore.
How many lives do we have to lose before we can come to some sort of an agreement? We've all seen them... those portrait shots of the smiling soldiers on the news. But those men are dead now. They've been killed fighting wars over stupid, unnecessary things. They've left friends, wives, husbands, brothers, sisters, mums, dads and maybe even kids behind- all because they're brave enough to step up and serve their country.
Why can't the governments just take a step back and think: wait. What's this all about? What if it was their son or daughter, brother or sister? Would they change their mind then? Would they bring those brave men and women home?
Northern Ireland is crazy. No matter what happens, religion seems to be brought into it. Even in primary schools the children are asking each other if they're "cats" or "pigs." If you say you're a cat, then you're catholic, and pig mean's you're protestant. Why should 4-11 year olds be worried about this?
For those who don't know much about Northern Ireland, it went through a period throughout the 70's known as the troubles. Catholics and Protestants declared war on each other, and security went mental. However, people came to agreements and almost everything is calmed again.
However, people feel the need to pass on these troubles to their kids & grandkids and there's absolutely no need. A young police officer was killed just 4 days ago because of being a Catholic in the police force. A certain group didn't like this, so they stuck a bomb under his car? 25 years old he was. We all live in the same country, so why can't we just get along? People are using religion as an excuse for violence... they quite clearly don't give a toss about the whole "Christianity" aspect.
Being a realistic person, I can see that Protestants and Catholics will never exist alongside each other without the memory of the troubles. There'll always be the judgement when we hear a name that is clearly of a certain religion, or if we see someone wearing a certain uniform or sports top. It's something we can't stop, and we cannot change religion; but the hatred isn't needed, surely.
As I've said before, I'm not one for compromising beliefs, but when we consider the sacrifices that innocent people are making; surely compromise is the better option?
Saturday, 19 March 2011
I just wont make sense, for once I'm gonna live
It's in the air now
Bitter tears and broken hearts
Teenagers we count the years,
we think we're smart
But were not, we don't know anything
Another post about being a teenager. Sorry, but I am one, so it's quite frequently on my mind. Some people say that they hate being a teenager, that it's too hard and there's too much pressure- and yea, maybe it is hard, and maybe there's an immense amount of pressure, but they're some of the best days of our lives!
Sure, we mess up... a lot, and we have to make all these decisions that will determine what path we take on our way to the future. But we're expected to mess up. We're allowed to. How great is that? Our parents expect us to party hard, to be "emotional" and to screw up all the time. Of course, we need to focus on the important things too, but isn't it good that we screw up now?
We're teenagers. Now is the time of learning from our mistakes. It's better to make them now and learn from them before we enter the scary world of adulthood and have to be responsible. When we reach our teens, we've gotten to the age where we know what's going on and we don't need our parents holding our hands all the time, but at the same time, we've got our parents keeping an eye on us. We've got people who are responsible for us, and our only responsibility is ourself. That way, when we screw up, we can turn to them, cry on their shoulders, ask for their advice and hope they won't judge. If we live the "perfect" life now, then what will we know when we have to fend for ourselves, and even for children or partners? Our teenage years are preparation for the real world, and my parents use that excuse a lot.
"Why do I have to tidy my room- nobody else goes in there?"
"Well, Aimee, when you're up and married, you don't want to live in a messy house. We're just trying to prepare you for the future."
Yawn. But I guess I'll thank them for it sometime. Through having to be careful with pocket money, washing dishes, tidying up around the house and all those other boring things that I groan about, my parents are helping me build up essential skills for life.
But they can't teach me how to be streetsmart. So I've got to do that for myself. I need to learn how to deal with people out in the real world, and know how to sort out my own dilemmas, and to do that, I need to screw up. All the time, it would seem. But I'm learning from my mistakes, which is good. There's a lot to learn, but I'm making a lot of mistakes to learn from, so I'm getting there.
I'm going to enjoy these years I think. I'm going to have my friends, my arguements, my flings, my heartbreak, my smiles, my tears, my parties, and my exhaustion. It'll be epic.
Bitter tears and broken hearts
Teenagers we count the years,
we think we're smart
But were not, we don't know anything
Another post about being a teenager. Sorry, but I am one, so it's quite frequently on my mind. Some people say that they hate being a teenager, that it's too hard and there's too much pressure- and yea, maybe it is hard, and maybe there's an immense amount of pressure, but they're some of the best days of our lives!
Sure, we mess up... a lot, and we have to make all these decisions that will determine what path we take on our way to the future. But we're expected to mess up. We're allowed to. How great is that? Our parents expect us to party hard, to be "emotional" and to screw up all the time. Of course, we need to focus on the important things too, but isn't it good that we screw up now?
We're teenagers. Now is the time of learning from our mistakes. It's better to make them now and learn from them before we enter the scary world of adulthood and have to be responsible. When we reach our teens, we've gotten to the age where we know what's going on and we don't need our parents holding our hands all the time, but at the same time, we've got our parents keeping an eye on us. We've got people who are responsible for us, and our only responsibility is ourself. That way, when we screw up, we can turn to them, cry on their shoulders, ask for their advice and hope they won't judge. If we live the "perfect" life now, then what will we know when we have to fend for ourselves, and even for children or partners? Our teenage years are preparation for the real world, and my parents use that excuse a lot.
"Why do I have to tidy my room- nobody else goes in there?"
"Well, Aimee, when you're up and married, you don't want to live in a messy house. We're just trying to prepare you for the future."
Yawn. But I guess I'll thank them for it sometime. Through having to be careful with pocket money, washing dishes, tidying up around the house and all those other boring things that I groan about, my parents are helping me build up essential skills for life.
But they can't teach me how to be streetsmart. So I've got to do that for myself. I need to learn how to deal with people out in the real world, and know how to sort out my own dilemmas, and to do that, I need to screw up. All the time, it would seem. But I'm learning from my mistakes, which is good. There's a lot to learn, but I'm making a lot of mistakes to learn from, so I'm getting there.
I'm going to enjoy these years I think. I'm going to have my friends, my arguements, my flings, my heartbreak, my smiles, my tears, my parties, and my exhaustion. It'll be epic.
And I won't be denied by you, the animal inside of you
Here we go again
We're sick like animals, we play pretend
You're just a cannibal and I'm afraid
I won't get out alive
Love. It's animalistic, isn't it? And I'm not talking about some sort of kinky roleplay or anything here, just the nature of "love."
First off, there's the thrill of the chase; the actual pursuit of the one you want to be with. You watch them for a while getting to know their ways, their quirks. Then you approach them, get to know them more and develop a strange infatuation. You feel drawn to them, and they're at the forefront of your mind.
Then you finally pluck up the courage to "ask them out." They hopefully say yes, and that's when the protective nature kicks in. They're yours, nobody elses. You don't want them to leave you, so you keep a careful watch over them, and do everything you can to make them happy.
As it gets more serious, you become more and more in sync with each other; moving as one in a way that would remind you of a pack or herd. You know each other inside and out, and you share thoughts with each other.
It seems to be an okay way to be, doesn't it? You know the person, you want them to be happy and you've got someone who'll protect you. But what about when things get messy. Like with a herd, if something goes wrong, then the wrong-doer is excluded. You get pushed away and you suddenly find yourself fending for yourself. Either that, or you fight. Cruel, emotionally bruising fighting. It cuts you deep and, a lot of the time, it's a hurt you won't forget. Where animals would just get the claws out and fight, humans are sneaky and calculating. They know what hurts the most- there's the downside of letting a person get to know you so well. We are capable of tearing a person in two, and we know it. We know exaclty how to do it, and when the time comes- we don't hesitate.
But I guess we're just protecting ourselves. By destroying the other person, we make ourselves seem stronger. We put our guard up by tearing the other person's down.
We're sick like animals, we play pretend
You're just a cannibal and I'm afraid
I won't get out alive
Love. It's animalistic, isn't it? And I'm not talking about some sort of kinky roleplay or anything here, just the nature of "love."
First off, there's the thrill of the chase; the actual pursuit of the one you want to be with. You watch them for a while getting to know their ways, their quirks. Then you approach them, get to know them more and develop a strange infatuation. You feel drawn to them, and they're at the forefront of your mind.
Then you finally pluck up the courage to "ask them out." They hopefully say yes, and that's when the protective nature kicks in. They're yours, nobody elses. You don't want them to leave you, so you keep a careful watch over them, and do everything you can to make them happy.
As it gets more serious, you become more and more in sync with each other; moving as one in a way that would remind you of a pack or herd. You know each other inside and out, and you share thoughts with each other.
It seems to be an okay way to be, doesn't it? You know the person, you want them to be happy and you've got someone who'll protect you. But what about when things get messy. Like with a herd, if something goes wrong, then the wrong-doer is excluded. You get pushed away and you suddenly find yourself fending for yourself. Either that, or you fight. Cruel, emotionally bruising fighting. It cuts you deep and, a lot of the time, it's a hurt you won't forget. Where animals would just get the claws out and fight, humans are sneaky and calculating. They know what hurts the most- there's the downside of letting a person get to know you so well. We are capable of tearing a person in two, and we know it. We know exaclty how to do it, and when the time comes- we don't hesitate.
But I guess we're just protecting ourselves. By destroying the other person, we make ourselves seem stronger. We put our guard up by tearing the other person's down.
Friday, 18 March 2011
And in the heat of the moment my mouth starts going the words start flowing
When I'm nervous I have this thing yeah I talk too much
Sometimes I just can't shut the hell up
It's like I need to tell someone anyone who'll listen
And that's where I seem to mess up, yeah
Secretssecretssecrets. It's not nice knowing things, is it? Knowing things that you shouldn't know, then pretending that you don't know them at all. It's not nice. At times it can feel good, to have that bit of information that could potentially destroy a person. But it's always a dirty little secret, isn't it? One that could hurt another person. It's not fun, and I'm not a fan of it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having a wee chat and a catch up on all the bizz, but knowing something really "bad" is not my cup of tea.
Then there's the battle in your head. What's the "right" thing to do? Do you tell the other person to save them from further hurt or embarrassment, or do you keep the secret and wait to see what happens? Telling them will hurt them, and you'll destroy all trust between you and the one in the wrong; but not telling them can destroy you inside. You watch the person live their life, naively believing that everything's going well, knowing that eventually everything's going to go mad.
Sometimes I just can't shut the hell up
It's like I need to tell someone anyone who'll listen
And that's where I seem to mess up, yeah
Secretssecretssecrets. It's not nice knowing things, is it? Knowing things that you shouldn't know, then pretending that you don't know them at all. It's not nice. At times it can feel good, to have that bit of information that could potentially destroy a person. But it's always a dirty little secret, isn't it? One that could hurt another person. It's not fun, and I'm not a fan of it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy having a wee chat and a catch up on all the bizz, but knowing something really "bad" is not my cup of tea.
Then there's the battle in your head. What's the "right" thing to do? Do you tell the other person to save them from further hurt or embarrassment, or do you keep the secret and wait to see what happens? Telling them will hurt them, and you'll destroy all trust between you and the one in the wrong; but not telling them can destroy you inside. You watch the person live their life, naively believing that everything's going well, knowing that eventually everything's going to go mad.
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
And the cynics were outraged
Screaming, this is absurd
'Cause for a moment a band of thieves
In ripped up jeans got to rule the world
Teenagers are stupid. They know nothing. Who even are they? They think they know everything. They're hormonal- just let them be. Sex, drink, drugs and music- that's all they care about. They just loiter and cause trouble.
You were teenagers too! And did all of you have sex all the time, drink your money away and get as high as kites? No. Didn't think so. So teenagers today don't either. I understand that yes, a lot of us do party hard- but even then, it doesn't mean we don't care. We do. We're the ones who have to live in this world. We're going to be adults soon, so of course we care about what's going on in the world. We have to make a living in this economic disaster, so I'm pretty sure we care.
The rise in university fees is a good example of something we care about. It affects us, and we stood up and took notice. We fought for what we believed in- some harder than others, of course. Sure, it could have been a bit more peaceful at times, but it shows that we're not just wasters who sit back and do nothing. But we weren't listened to, were we? The adults know best.
And for any adults reading this, I'm not pointing the finger. That would be a bit hypocritical, as I would also be stereotyping. I know that you guys are older and wiser, but that doesn't mean that we know nothing. So I love coming across adults who talk to teenagers as if they're equals, and take a genuine interest in what we have to say.
There are more and more teenagers taking part in petitions, peaceful (and not so peaceful) protests, and sitting on councils; just to get our opinion across.
How cool would it be if we got to rule the world- just for a day? I would love it.
"The awkward moment when David Cameron gets sick, but can't get treated because his doctor couldn't afford to go to University."
Screaming, this is absurd
'Cause for a moment a band of thieves
In ripped up jeans got to rule the world
Teenagers are stupid. They know nothing. Who even are they? They think they know everything. They're hormonal- just let them be. Sex, drink, drugs and music- that's all they care about. They just loiter and cause trouble.
You were teenagers too! And did all of you have sex all the time, drink your money away and get as high as kites? No. Didn't think so. So teenagers today don't either. I understand that yes, a lot of us do party hard- but even then, it doesn't mean we don't care. We do. We're the ones who have to live in this world. We're going to be adults soon, so of course we care about what's going on in the world. We have to make a living in this economic disaster, so I'm pretty sure we care.
The rise in university fees is a good example of something we care about. It affects us, and we stood up and took notice. We fought for what we believed in- some harder than others, of course. Sure, it could have been a bit more peaceful at times, but it shows that we're not just wasters who sit back and do nothing. But we weren't listened to, were we? The adults know best.
And for any adults reading this, I'm not pointing the finger. That would be a bit hypocritical, as I would also be stereotyping. I know that you guys are older and wiser, but that doesn't mean that we know nothing. So I love coming across adults who talk to teenagers as if they're equals, and take a genuine interest in what we have to say.
There are more and more teenagers taking part in petitions, peaceful (and not so peaceful) protests, and sitting on councils; just to get our opinion across.
How cool would it be if we got to rule the world- just for a day? I would love it.
"The awkward moment when David Cameron gets sick, but can't get treated because his doctor couldn't afford to go to University."
No one in your life is with you constantly, no one is completely on your side
Nothing is so good it lasts eternally
Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
Wanting far too much for far too long.
Ever had that feeling that something's going to go wrong? It usually happens when you feel like everything else is going okay. Everything's cool and dandy and going fine. Then BAM- bad times.
At the minute, I guess I can't complain. I'm freaking out about the future a lot, and I'm very sleepy; but when I think about it, things are going okay. School's alright, things are going well with my friends, and I'm happy enough. But I have this awful feeling in my gut that something's going to take a turn for the worse.
"For every good thing that happens, there will be a bad one."
Surely that can't be true? Why do we have to live a content plane? As soon as we seem to go up, we have to dip back down again- it all balances out. I don't like that. There seems to be a whole lot I don't like, doesn't there? I know that there are ups and downs in life, and shit happens- but good things happen too. Why can't we just have a run of nice things without having to expect something bad to happen? Lots of rhetorical questions here, but I am genuinely trying to work out an answer for at least one of them.
Is having a good time for a long time too much to expect? Is it greedy? And is it bad to consider my "bad" things "bad" when there's so much else going on in the world? I mean, Japan's in turmoil, and I'm watching Comic Relief right now, and I'm worrying about a possible argument and gcses? Priorities need a bit of shaking up methinks.
Perfect situations must go wrong
But this has never yet prevented me
Wanting far too much for far too long.
Ever had that feeling that something's going to go wrong? It usually happens when you feel like everything else is going okay. Everything's cool and dandy and going fine. Then BAM- bad times.
At the minute, I guess I can't complain. I'm freaking out about the future a lot, and I'm very sleepy; but when I think about it, things are going okay. School's alright, things are going well with my friends, and I'm happy enough. But I have this awful feeling in my gut that something's going to take a turn for the worse.
"For every good thing that happens, there will be a bad one."
Surely that can't be true? Why do we have to live a content plane? As soon as we seem to go up, we have to dip back down again- it all balances out. I don't like that. There seems to be a whole lot I don't like, doesn't there? I know that there are ups and downs in life, and shit happens- but good things happen too. Why can't we just have a run of nice things without having to expect something bad to happen? Lots of rhetorical questions here, but I am genuinely trying to work out an answer for at least one of them.
Is having a good time for a long time too much to expect? Is it greedy? And is it bad to consider my "bad" things "bad" when there's so much else going on in the world? I mean, Japan's in turmoil, and I'm watching Comic Relief right now, and I'm worrying about a possible argument and gcses? Priorities need a bit of shaking up methinks.
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