And I wonder if I ever cross your mind? For me it happens all the time.

It's a quarter after one
I'm all alone
And I need you now

It's amazing who you'll call when you need someone to talk to. I was chatting to a friend of mine last night & she was saying that people who she thought she'd drifted away from were always the ones who turned to her when they were in times of need. "I didn't know who else to turn to," is what they'd said. But yet, as soon as everything was fine and dandy again, they went off with their other friends.

Work out who your friends are, and stick with them. You shouldn't be wasting your time on people who you can't turn to when things get messy. What's the point? Surely it's better to spend your time with the people who give a shit about what happens to you, and who'll be there no matter what happens. 

There will always be people that you have to mix with who you know aren't the true friends, but don't focus all of your efforts on them. Be nice, obviously, just don't run round after them. And don't assume that people will be there for you if you decide to clear off somewhere else. You can't just use people when you feel like it. 

Since I've been in high school I've had different groups of friends; both inside and out of school. People grow apart, people change, shit happens. But at the minute I know the ones I can turn to and the ones I can't. I know whose tempers aren't to be tampered with, and I know whose patience stretches on forever. You get to know people, and sometimes that's not a good thing. People can show their true colours in all sorts of ways, and they're not always the colours we'd like to see. They can shock us, terrify us, make us smile, make us cry- but at least we're aware of them. Don't judge a book by its cover either... a big cheesy line thrown in there; but it's a good bit of advice.

Know who you're hanging around with. They're the people who you'll have the best of times with, they're the ones who'll influence you and your decisions, and they'll be the ones who'll help you pick up the pieces when things go boom.

Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass?

So raise your glass if you are wrong,
In all the right ways,
All my underdogs,
We will never be never be anything but loud
And nitty gritty dirty little freaks
Won't you come on and come on and raise your glass,
Just come on and come on and raise your glass

• Here's to swallowing pride.
• Here's to taking the high road.
• Here's to being the better person.
• Here's to wising up.
• Here's to discovering who your real friends are.
• Here's to crying your heart out;
• Here's to laughing about it after.
• Here's to telling it how it is.
• Here's to cocking up royally.
• Here's to sitting up late because you can't be bothered to go to bed.
• Here's to being crushed by those around us;
• Here's to being built up by the ones around us who actually matter.
• Here's to seeing other peoples' flaws and telling them all about them;
• Here's to seeing your own and not doing anything.
• Here's to making silly mistakes;
• Here's to learning from them.
• Here's to laughing your socks off.
• Here's to worrying about the silly little things;
• Here's to the feeling of relief when you realise there was nothing to worry about.
• Here's to the people who actually matter.
• Here's to not appreciating what you've got until something goes wrong.
• Here's to feeling like a failure;
• Here's to feeling fantastic when you achieve something great.
• Here's to feeling hopeless;
• Here's to realising that you're not.
• Here's to doing stupid things;
• Here's to not regretting them.
• Here's to making a fool out of yourself;
• Here's to not giving a shit about it.

Here's to life. Here's to loving it and to hating it. Here's to living and not just merely surviving. Here's to going through all the shit knowing that there'll be good times along the way.

Roses are red, violets are blue...

Happy Valentine's Day folks. Here is it again. Majorly commercial, and a bit like marmite. You either love it or hate it. I'm a bit indecisive. I love it and hate it. I love it when I have someone to share it with, and I hate it when I don't. A silly stance to have, but it's the one I take.

This year, I'm kinda hating it. I think it's a lovely idea, but why shouldn't we appreciate our loved ones the whole year round? They're always special, aren't they? Not just on February 14th.

So I've had a couple of hot dates today; one with my biology book, one with my blog, and one with the television. I'm a lucky girl, aren't I? It's a bit of a bummer to see all of the happy couples all cheerful and loved up, but I'm not sitting feeling sorry for myself.

One year I'll have a special someone to spend my Valentine's Day with, and it'll be great. I'm really not sure what opinion I'm trying to put across in this blog if I'm honest. I hate how commercial Valentine's Day has become. If you don't receive a card, flowers or a box of chocolate, then you're just not part of the whole shabang. If you don't get flowers, then you're clearly not loved. What? That is beyond stupid.

Everyone is loved, and you shouldn't need a bunch of flowers to believe that. So I'm happy enough doing my biology papers and rambling on to a non-existant reader of my blog. Have a nice day.

Once upon a time

"Stories. We all spend our lives telling them; about this, about that, about people. But some, some stories are so good that you wish they'd never end. They're so gripping that we'll go without sleep just to see a little bit more. Some stories bring us laughter & sometimes they bring us tears.But isnt that what a great story does; makes you feel? Stories that are so powerful, they really are with us forever."

Life's one big story. The story of us. And it's full of millions and millions of other stories which are constantly unwinding all around us. The whole world is one massive, intricate, beautiful, terrifying, magnificent, terrible, wonderful and exciting story. Millions and millions of people are carrying on in their lives as I type, and in years to come they will sit down and tell their story to their children, grandchildren, friends. They will look back on it and remember the good times and the bad, and recount everything that happened.

They will remember the friends they made, the people they loved, and the people who broke their heart. I want my story to be full of good times. I want to be able to say that I lived it to the full, and right now, that's not what I'm doing. I'm letting stupid things get to me, I'm stressing over things that won't matter in a year's time, and I'm living in a routine that just isn't very interesting.

So here's to spicing things up a bit. No more unnecessary freak-outs, no pretending to be who I'm not, and no more of this boring routine. I'm still going to go the places I usually go, but I'm going to enjoy myself!

It's not all going to be giggles, smiles and happy times, and there probably won't be a fairytale ending where I end up living happily ever after; but it'll be a story nonetheless. One full of love, happiness, smiles, heartbreak, tears, fears, success, failure and friendship. I'm excited.

I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door

It’s not always rainbows and butterflies
It’s compromise that moves us along
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want

Wikipedia: To compromise is to make a deal where someone gives up part of, or all of its demand. In arguments, compromise is a concept of finding agreement through communication, through a mutual acceptance of terms—often involving variations from an original goal or desire.

Compromise. A funny thing, isn't it? You've got to be careful with it, too. There are tmes in life when we must compromise- we can't always get what we want. But we can't compromise what we believe is right.

There have been many times where I've stepped down during an argument and apologised for something that I know I haven't done... and it's bullshit. Why should I have let that person win? So now, when I'm being asked to apologise for something that I know I haven't done, I'm not compromising.

Sure, it means that an argument is being prolonged, but this time, the other person needs to realise that they're in the wrong and wise themselves up. They're being quite childish, and I've no time for that. Don't get me wrong, if the person steps down and admits to me that they're accusing me falsely, then my door is open to them.

So it's not rainbows & butterflies at the moment, but I know that I'm not compromising what I believe is right.

birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head

Well the stars up in the sky
And the leaves in the trees
All the broken bits that make you trip up and grassy bits inbetween
All the matter in the world
Is how much i like you

Wikipedia: "Friendship is the cooperative and supportive relationship between people, or animals. In this sense, the term connotes a relationship which involves mutual knowledge, esteem, affection, and respect along with a degree of rendering service to friends in times of need or crisis"

Friends are cool things, and we take them for granted WAY too often. We just assume they'll be there, and I guess they will, but life's a funny thing. It can take anyone away in the blink of an eye, and we've gotta realise that our loved ones might not always be there. Sure, they'll drive us mad at times, and we often feel like we could throttle them- but they're the ones who put up with us when we drive them mad. Other people would just walk away or give us a swift blow to the face.

My friends are great, and their greatness is further ephasised by the shit they've put up with from me. I'm pretty good at messing things up, and they've told me to wise up when I've needed it and I really appreciate it. They're amazing, and I should really tell them more often, but knowing them they'd be like "Of course I'm amazing, tell me something I don't know," or "Haha, shut up." They make me act crazy, but they keep me sane.

Appreciate what you've got, you might not have it forever.

I think I need a sunrise

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name

Oh to have the freedom to be able to just jump on a plane and go somewhere else. Just to start off somewhere different, like a new start. There's so much out there, and yet we spend most of our lives in the same place.
But that one place is home. It's where we grow up, feel comfortable, and have our loved ones around us. If we pick up and leave all of that, then what do we have? Freedom, yes, but we've also got to start from scratch. We're completely alone in a brand new place- that seems pretty scary to me.

I'd love to travel, I think it'd be amazing to see some of this massive world that we live in, but I want to know that I've always got somewhere to return to that I can call home.

Where I'd go

• Paris
• Australia
• Texas
• Japan
• London

But my home will always be where I grew up, and where people know me. Regardless of their opinion on me, and the fact that I could go somewhere & start ALL over again, I want to be in that place where I'm comfortable, and where I know the score.

And if you want to change- then change! (hopefully for the better though). Don't worry about people saying that you're being something you're not; chances are, if you're wanting to change it's because you've been being something you're not for a very long time- and where's the fun in that? Again, it's your life, so be who you want to be. Don't waste it being something you're not, just to keep those around you happy. Mix things up a bit.

But too many times I've been risking my life making decisions while trying to be nice

It's time for a change, It's time for a move,
And I know that it's frightening but it's also exciting
I'm taking a risk that I know is worth fighting
Its better
To make your mistakes than to live with out knowing
Its better to fall on your face then to stay on your feet

Ahh, Greg Holden- I am rather fond of you. Beautiful voice and beautiful lyrics. This one, The Art of Falling, definitely has to be one of my favourites though.

Change is a pretty scary thing, and it's constant. It's absolutely everywhere and we have no control over it. I don't know about you, but it terrifies me. But so many good things come out of it in the longrun. The decisions we make are scary biccies, and we never know exactly what the outcome's going to be; but we can always find a positive somewhere.

I'm also a firm believer in taking risks. You gotta be in it to win it, as those cheesey presenters say on those stupid gameshows at about 3am. But it's another cheesey one that can be applied to everyday life. It's better to take the risk and make the mistakes and face the consequences than to live out the rest of your life wondering "What if?"

I don't want to be one of those people who lives their whole life by the book. Is there even a book? Because if there is, I didn't get my copy. An instruction manual would go a long way, actually. But there's this general idea of how life should be. You're born, you grow up, you go to school, you do exams, you go to work, you have a family, you grow old and die. And somewhere in the middle of that, you have to make sure you don't get into any trouble. But why!? Why not have a little fun? (I'm not talking about extremes here- don't wanna wind up in prison). But enjoy yourself. Make mistakes & learn from them. They prepare us for later life, or so I've heard.

text messages, youtube and a big lump of cheese

Of all of the things I carry
And all of the things I know
I know that I will be loved
No matter where I go

 *Warning. Cheese Factor*

Got a nice wee text today telling me that I'm not worth shit. Pleasant, yes? I thought so too. Gotta love "friends". But later on in the evening having felt completely crap all day, my friend Bethany let me listen to a song written by Meghan Tonjes called This Year (definitely worth the listen). So the verse I've written above really caught my attention & I just thought to myself: I'm not worthless. There are people to love me, even if the person who sent me the text doesn't. And no matter where you are, someone in the world loves you.

So don't listen to those scumbags who try to make you feel like shit, you're you. Like, human life is amazing (don't worry, there'll be no God rant here). There have been billions of people living on earth and not one of them has been exactly the same as another. There's an endless amount of DNA combinations (I'm no scientist, so please correct me if i'm wrong), and it completely blows my mind. I love it. 

Don't get me wrong, life can be a complete ball of crap at times, and it melts my head; but there are so many mind-blowing things in the world and there are many good times to be had. Just gotta get out there and enjoy it.

But yes, the point of the blog- nobody's worthless, and nobody has the right to make you feel as if you are.

Whisper

Why when we do our darkest deeds
Do we tell?
They burn in our brains
Become a living hell
Cause everyone tells
Everyone tells…

You've gotta be careful what you tell people, and who you tell it to. Secrets are strange things, aren't they? They don't remain secrets for very long, because we can never keep them to ourselves; we just have to tell somebody close to us.

But how well do we really know those who are close to us? How do we know that when things get rough the people we once trusted won't tell? Even the thought of someone telling my secrets makes me feel ill with worry, and keeping things to myself is a lesson I've had to learn the hard way. I'm not saying that you should bottle everything up, because that just makes you burst, but I just think that we should be selective in who we tell things to.

OR if you're really sneaky, make sure you've got something on that person (not that a friendship should be this way, but if you've let something slip to someone you shouldn't have, then you gotta cover your back). That way, they'll think twice about spilling the beans on you.

Also, secrets are a part of us, so if they do get out into the open; don't automatically deny it. Those who really care about you won't care what you've done in the past- they love you for you; and that's a true friend. It might even feel better having it off your chest & having someone to talk to about it.

Our darkest secrets can make our lives hell, so I think everyone should have someone to confide in. If not, then write it down or something. There's no point in letting the things of the past ruin your future.

U + Ur Hand

I'm not here for your entertainment
You don't really want to mess with me tonight
Just stop and take a second
I was fine before you walked into my life

Not sure how many of you have been in the same situation that I'm in at the moment, but I'm hoping there's a few. Otherwise, this blog's a bit pointless.

So basically, I've been having a "thing" with a friend of mine for a good wee while now, like friends with benefits. It was fun at first, exciting even, but every time he got a new girlfriend I was left at the side. Jealous? I guess so. But then as soon as the girlfriend disappears he suddenly shows an interest in me again. It's been going on for about a year now, and it's driving me mad! I'm sure if you're reading this you're thinking that I'm a stupid little girl, but maybe I am.

I've always been a fan of Pink's, but had never heard this song (U + Ur Hand), and when I heard it I actually laughed out loud. It's so relevant. I've allowed myself to be used, and I'm worth more than that- everyone is. I doubt there'll be anyone reading this, but if there is; I hope it's someone who knows what I'm trying to get at. Nobody should allow themselves to be used, especially by a guy who thinks you're there for his entertainment. Show him who's boss & wait for someone who's gonna treat you how you deserve to be treated.

And as for the guy who was messing me about? It's just him and his hand tonight.