Purity

1) Freedom from adulteration or contamination
2) Freedom from immorality, esp. of a sexual nature

When I think of purity I see white. Roses, dresses, sheets, curtains... white. White everything. Children, little girls, laughs, smiles. Pure. Purity, of course, is usually thought of in relation to sexual activity... whether or not you maintain a state of sexual abstinance; do you still have your virginity? So once this is tarnished I guess you're not pure any more. So what are you? Dirty?

I don't like to think so. I think it is something that has happened, and while you can't regain it, it isn't something that should act as a hindrance upon your life. Presuming that you are not within a marriage scenario & therefore a "bad" person, you have lost your virginity to a boyfriend, an ex-boyfriend or a guy you just met; maybe a guy friend, only you know. That is what you wanted at the time, and sure, maybe it was a mistake,  but does it make you a bad/dirty person for life? No.

Beyond physical purity is mental purity.  For me this is more difficult to maintain, what with so much crap in the world these days & a heck of a lot of mental illness. I think purity is a state of mind as well as a physical thing and that this should be acknowledged. I'm not encouraging losing virginity and saying that it's okay as long as you justify it in your mind... I believe that it should be held onto for as long as possible. However, if it is lost "prematurely" then I think people should stop targetting and highlighting it as the end of the world. It's gone, it's not coming back, get over it.

Purity and innocence are tightly linked. When I think of innocence I think back to my childhood. There were no dirty jokes, no friends who'd stab you in the back if you turned for a second, no arguements, no boys to impress, no universities to suck up to. The biggest lie you told was that you hadn't taken those sweets from the jar. That gets lost over time and in its way, linked to virginity, but this isn't all about sex. I think we should hold onto our innocence, try to be trusting but not naive, loving but not used, helpful but not walked over.

This has been pretty fluffy and waffly... But basically I think you should define pure for yourself & don't let people make you feel like you're not worth anything.

"This moment will just be another story someday."

Memories need to be created, actions need to be taken and fun has to be had. Great new things need to be tried and new places explored. Carelessness must be exercised and mistakes should be made. Worries should cease and cares abandoned. Laughter should reign and tears of happiness be the only ones permitted. Dancing should be compulsory and singing the international language. Love should be easy and not focused on sex. Judgement should be minimal and acceptance freely given.

On average we will all live until we're seventy years old. Age 0-12 we're in primary school, 13-18 we're in that weird puberty/I'm a teenager/why is my body doing this?/rebel against my parents-y stage. 19-30 is that get a good education, get a job, get married stage. From then on we're trying so support our family, keep up our job, pay the bills etc. By the time we have the time and the money to enjoy ourselves we're 65 (85 if the government keep raising the age for retirement) and not to be ageist because I do love old people, but there are things which we can no longer do. So to combat this, we need to make time for fun in between all the chaos of life. We need stories to tell our grandchildren, we need fun to keep us healthy. So get out there and smile.

If I go crazy then will you still call me superman?

You stumbled in and bumped your head,
If not for me then you'd be dead
I picked you up and put you back
On solid ground

I've realised that people are extraordinarily ungrateful. Perhaps something I should have realised sooner, but hey, better late than never. People rely on me... a lot. They lean on me and expect me to fix all of their problems, regardless of what I may think/feel/have going on in my own life at the time.

One of my friends recently broke up with his girlfriend of 2ish years and ever since he's been totally dependent on me. I didn't even know him when he was going out with his girl, we only really became friends because of the break up because he spewed all of his problems to me one night. Please don't get me wrong, I love to help and I had no problem listening to him, offering advice and yeah, being a shoulder to lean on... but when that's all he wants to talk to me about it becomes a bit of a problem. Then, as a result of me trying to help, my now boyfriend suspects that there's something going on between us. But does the guy back off? No, of course not.

I've helped him all I can and he refuses to help himself, then when I ask him to help me by backing off he still stays close, makes my boyfriend suspect and makes me feel guilty when I get frustrated with him. I've helped the guy a lot, I've helped him get over this ex girlfriend and he's still not grateful enough to help me out this little bit.

Ranty ranty rant. Sorry.

Just signed back in here for the first time in a long time and decided to read some old posts... all I can gather is that I used wayyy too many rhetorical questions. I liked to talk about change a lot though, and even though it's been six months since I last blogged, I haven't really changed an awful lot about myself. I'm studying at the minute, or at least trying to; I can't seem to find the motivation to do anything except eat all around me.

My friends have changed; some for good and some for bad. It's sad to watch, but I can't seem to do anything about it. I've also had the privilege of watching some of my friends grow in confidence and skills and they're actually going places and being happy- that's pretty great. I've also surrounded myself with a different friend group, but still seeing the ones that I care about- just less frequently which I need to change, but that's my own fault. The human mind is a ridiculous thing- that is one thing I've gathered, though I'm not sure why I didn't realise sooner. We all worry too much, and even as I'm typing this I'm worried about how I come across to my two readers or whatever unfortunate person that stumbles across this.

"Society killed the teenager." So overused, so cliché, so true. We've been screwed over, but maybe that's just my silly opinion that I will regret in another six months time... Everything's focused on the future, conformity and being "grown up." I can't be assed with it, and yet I find myself doing it anyway. I've gotta study to get good grades to waste loads of money on University to get that job that doesn't exist to get money to pay back my student loans. Then if a job actually appears in Northern Ireland, I'll be stuck in it for the next 50 years of my life. Sounds great, doesn't it? Ha, there are those rhetorical questions again...I'll stop now- bad habit enforced by GCSE English.

Passed my GCSEs, thought I was great, and have now realised how much simpler they were than AS Levels. I've two tomorrow, so sitting writing pointless crap on my laptop probably isn't my best move. Beats learning about Early Church though. Then on Friday I have another, and with the two exams tomorrow I won't have much time to revise for it...hello resits next January. I do, however, get to see my soon to be boyfriend on Friday after my exam, so that'll be fun. It's only taken us about a year and a disfunctional relationship on my part to get together, so let's hope it's all we've thought it will be. Could just be another silly teenage relationship, but we shall see.

I guess not much else has changed since I last posted; I don't have any revolutionary thoughts or plans as such, other than the overwhelming desire to get out of this pokey wee country. I love it, don't get me wrong, it's just that there is so much to see out there. I've been chatting and skyping with people all over the world recently and it makes me want to go so much more; I'm determined to see it happen. Certain universities I've been looking at offer the opportunity to go somewhere for a year- something to look into further. Up until quite recently I've been set on leaving home for University, but thinking about the logistics of it all it's looking more and more likely that I'll be staying in Northern Ireland. I shant rule anything out though.

Also, I need a part time job. So if you could find me one that'd be great.

Well, I think this shall be the end of my rambling and I'll hopefully post again before another six months is up; maybe even something which is even slightly structured. RE revision is calling me; Aimee out.

Oh broken angel, were you sad when he crushed all your dreams?

Inside you're dying cause you can't believe
He would leave you alone
And leave you so cold
When you were his daughter
But the blood in your veins
As you carry his name
Turns thinner than water

What's really in a name? Does it define us? We carry it for most, if not all, of our lives, and there's not TOO much we can do about it. It tells us where we come from, but is linking ourselves to the past always a good thing?

I recently saw Boyce Avenue performing in my hometown and they came on and sang this song. Before they started, Alejandro spoke a bit about a friend who had faced a lot in the past but had gotten stronger from it and it really struck a chord with me. People will hurt you in the course of your life- fact. A lot of the time, these people will be people you're close to- fact. But sometimes, the people who hurt you will be the ones you least expect... the ones you're supposed to trust... the ones who're supposed to protect you. We can accept these as facts, but that doesn't mean we have to accept the consequences.

Your family name does not define you. The negative actions of those before you should not make any impression upon your life. If you don't like it, change it. I'm not one for rebelling against family members or anything, but if any of your family members are going to knowingly hurt you, then refuse to accept it. Stand up and say no. You may carry a name, but you don't have to carry the person. Turn a negative into a positive and go for it.

You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve

All of your flaws and all of my flaws,
When they have been exhumed
We'll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we'd be doomed

Flaw: a mark, fault, or other imperfection that mars a substance or object.

I'll be honest and say that I'm not someone who is very open about their flaws, and I don't immediately step forward and admit when I'm wrong. I'm not someone who embraces flaws and I'm most definitely not proud of them.

I am, however, a firm believer in the fact that they can shape our characters. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and all that. I do not believe that they make us who we are though. Not entirely, anyway. We can't allow our flaws to 100% define us. They play a part, and of course we can't just erase them, but we can't just go: "Yep. That's ALL I am. I am depression. I am self harm. I am unfaithfulness. I am an eating disorder. I am dyslexia" These things can help you grow as a person, and yes, they can represent a period of your lifetime, but they can always be overcome. We can beat these things, little step by little step.

Without these flaws, we'd all be the same. We'd be happy, clappy, my life is awesome and I can breeze on through type people. Now where's the fun in that? What do you achieve? Not an awful lot! When you're older, would you not rather look back and think, "Yea, I was there. But I got out of it... I overcame that." I certainly would.

They say that they're not puppets and then we point them to the strings

They line us up in uniforms
And tell us not to feel
They've never been to Heaven
But they tell us that it's real

They say that this is a free country and we're always told that we can be what we want to be, but it's funny how there's always a list of exceptions. There's always a list of rules that must be obeyed, a schedule, an order- a method of control.

Well reader, you can be anything you want to be! Did you know that? I just hope you want to be in full-time education until at least the age of 16, then try to find a job, then obey all the laws of the land! So, if you want to be rich, you better get yourself into a good job or do something illegal. But of course to get that good job then you've gotta have some sort of qualification, so you've got to go to school, which of course is the law. And if you do something illegal to get this money, then that's going to get you into trouble. Soooo, you can't be a criminal.

Also, you better not want to be a druggie. Or an alcoholic. Or addicted to anything really, because it'll either be illegal or expensive, and of course to get that money you've to follow some other regime or climb some ladder within a business.

Love, too. If you want to be in love, you've got to befriend, court, then see how things go. Then, in the longrun, you engage and marry the person. Then you have a few kids, get a house, a car, and a whole lot of debt. You've got to pay your taxes, keep the roof over your head and food on the table. So you better keep up that nice job that you're expected to do every day with those qualifications that you were forced into studying for throughout your school years.

And maybe, if you're into the Christian thing, you could go to a nice little church in your nice little town with your nice little family all dressed in your nice little Sunday outfits. When you get there you can be given some more rules... Don't kill, don't lie, don't cheat, don't swear, don't drink, don't do this, don't do that, don't do the other. All in hopes of going to this place where nobody on Earth has been, but we have to trust exists. And don't dare question it! That's doubt, and doubt is bad! I mean, how dare you think?

We're generally encouraged to think for ourselves, but there's always something limiting us. People tell us that it can't be done, we convince ourselves that it can't be done, we don't have the money, we don't have the time, it's too "out of the box." Society has everything organised and everybody knows what role is theirs to play. It's a big show. Everyone has their smile on their face and their lines rehearsed and so we go on with the show. Everything is under control. As long as there's control, everything's easy.

So why not make it more difficult? Step out of your comfort zone. See what you can do. The Greeks were great thinkers. They stepped out of the box and were always in search of the next big thing. They wanted the answers to the big questions- they set the trends. Why not be a Greek? Challenge the norm. Think for yourself and do what you want to do. Ask questions and challenge what you're told. Make sure sure you completely understand instead of just accepting it.